Interracial dating article and marriage data for USA

Dating 101: Dealing With the Race Factor

How to cope with four common obstacles in interracial dating

By dating editor Arnold Chao Exclusive to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Jun 5, 2009

A recent study on racial preferences of online daters provides some interesting findings. Based on profile-searching criteria set by singles using Yahoo! Personals, the UCI case study reveals that gender plays an important role in interracial preferences:

Asian American men are the least preferred mate for Caucasian women

Asian American men are the least preferred mate for Caucasian women, and African American women bear the brunt of discrimination from Caucasian men. UCI researchers say that "the stereotypical images of masculinity and femininity shape dating choices" and are a contributing factor.

The cross-cultural revolution is not going to be launched on the Internet dating scene, where people often follow racial stereotypes when looking for love, the researchers said.

In spite of these findings, there's always an exception to the norm, and I should know as an ABC (American-Born Chinese) who met and married another type of ABC (American Brazilian Caucasian -- yes, I just made that up). Like any couple we've had our ups and downs, but we've somehow managed to bond well for almost a decade.

For those of you involved with a date -- or mate -- of a different race, check out these obstacles of interracial dating and ways to overcome them.

Dating Obstacle #1. The Traditionalists

I've encountered several people who possess strong opinions about interracial dating: A South African told me that people should date within their own race; my Korean American friend found it inconceivable to betroth a white woman; some Asian guys I've met told me they loathe competing with white guys to woo Asian bachelorettes.

Yes, the resistance against interracial dating persists, even in the diverse San Francisco Bay Area where I live. You should consider that citizens in most U.S. states were legally banned from marrying outside of their race until 1967.

How do you cope?

Surround yourself with pals who tolerate diversity. As individuals, we have an innate desire to be understood; and as an interracial couple, the desire remains the same. You must learn to accept adversity and not let it influence your individual judgment. The acceptance you receive from a circle of friends strips away your sensitivity to snide comments that oppose your open dating preferences.

Dating Obstacle #2. The Stereotypes From Mass Media

Can you blame the TV producers and advertisers for playing it safe by catering to the majority? After all, they measure what appeals to a mass audience and go with what we're familiar with. It's no mystery that stereotyping the population is much easier than representing eclectic subgroups within our population. As an expected result of this, the general public absorbs oversimplified images of various ethnic groups -- and how they pair up -- in every media imaginable.

How do you cope?

Recognizing the biased reality of the media business in itself resolves much of the adverse impact of broadcasted stereotypes. Avoid "keeping up with the Joneses" and don't think you have to date like all the idealized couples the generic media fodder has fed you. Boil your beliefs down to what really matters to you, and you'll become stereotype-resistant.

Dating Obstacle #3. The Offensive Family Member

It happens: You'll attend a family gathering where your estranged uncle shows that he may not be as culturally enlightened as the rest of your family. The off-color jokes spew out of his mouth. He snickers. You're in shock. Your significant other is in shock. The tension builds while you attempt to cool the blood that boils within you.

How do you cope?

Realize that there may always be a family member, or friend, who has trouble thinking before uttering insensitive opinions or bluntly racist remarks. Prepare for these confrontations. Let that person know if you think his/her comments are offensive, and choose honest yet eloquent ways to respond. Practice what you'll say and when you'll say it -- so when the situation happens, you won't let your emotions get the best of you. If this person is worth dealing with, he/she will respect your straightforwardness.

Silence will only prolong the issue. Share your thoughts to show that you care about how you interact with everyone, and vice versa. This is not the time to be shy. Demand respect. You deserve it.

Dating Obstacle #4. The Gazers

I know. It gets old. Not everybody is used to seeing an interracial couple. People will stare at you. They may even display a frown or a furrowed brow.

How do you cope?

Ignore the natural response of attempting to read their minds. Who knows what they're thinking when they stare: Maybe they admire you two as a couple, or they like your threads, or they just haven't seen your "kind" before, or they're waiting for you two to show some affection so they can label you as a couple rather than friends. It's pointless to keep wondering.

Instead, imagine you're a celebrity. In fact, you are. You might well be the spectacle of the day for them. Thrive and celebrate your uniqueness. These public encounters add flavor to the otherwise bland experiences of their lives. You're simply desensitizing them to the notion of colorblind dating. Sooner or later, they won't look twice ... because they've seen it before.

What women want....

Preach it sista! Just how hard is it for you guys to make an effort??????

Norika Fujiwara looking for a man who 'will make an effort'

Saturday 09th May, 04:00 PM JST

HONG KONG —

Actress Norika Fujiwara, 37, charmed the local media at the Miss Paris Diet Center grand opening in Hong Kong on Friday.

When asked, “What’s the greatest enemy of a successful diet?” the actress said, “Oneself. There’s a lot of really delicious food here in Hong Kong, but it’s important to conquer your impulses and stick to your diet.”

Speaking of impulses, reporters were more interested in Fujiwara’s life following her divorce. Asked what sort of a man she was now looking for, Fujiwara said that her ideal man is “one who makes an effort.”

Coupling party-Omiai pati

Playing the party odds for love

By ERIKO ARITA

Staff writer

In Japan, women are traditionally subservient to men and — like children in the West — have long been schooled to be "seen and not heard." But in matters of the heart and homemaking, and in these times of increasing sexual equality, Japan's females — who were formerly hunted romantically — are increasingly doing the hunting themselves.

Whatever will be: Swapping resumes at an Exeo Japan "coupling party" EXEO JAPAN

For the proof of this pudding, I went one recent evening to a meeting room in Tokyo's central Shinjuku district where a company named Exeo Japan had arranged chairs and small tables for 30 men and 30 women in two lines facing each other. By the time I turned up, most of the participants had already arrived, and a tense air of expectation filled the air as they eyed each other up.

In fact, the atmosphere and the prevailing silence reminded me of a job interview, and actually that wasn't far from the reality. Except, of course, that this event was an omiai pati (coupling party), and the potential "jobs" were as husbands or wives.

While similar to speed-dating overseas, the gathering here had something unique that is proving increasingly popular among singles — and especially women who are "marriage hunting."

The party was founded, consciously or not, on the laws of probability, which mathematicians use to calculate the odds of things happening given a certain number of alternatives. In this case, the odds that counted were of a man selecting a woman for a date — and the woman selecting that man, too, after each of the participants had briefly chatted to all the members of the opposite sex in the room.

"Before the party starts, would you fill in the 'profile card'?" the emcee asked those present.

The card looked like a resume, as it asked for everyone's name, age, address and occupation. But the form also gave each person the number of the card to pin on their clothes, and asked for their blood type, characteristics of the opposite sex they liked, whether they smoked or not, where they would like to go on a date, and more besides.

On the men's cards only, there were boxes in which to write their income and educational background. These are key things that many women want to know about any potential husband, the party organizer explained.

When the event started, the silence changed to excitement. I exchanged my card with the man sitting across from me and we began to talk.

"Hi, my name is Tanaka," the man in a dark suit said shyly as he read my resume. "Are you a reporter?" he asked, sounding surprised. "That's great. . . . Do you work until late?" he inquired. "Not every day," I answered, then asked, "What do you do?"

The 30-year-old resident of Kawasaki, told me he is public servant in a city in Kanagawa Prefecture. But then our conversation was cut short when the emcee declared our two minutes of verbal intimacy had ended and all the men should move to the next chair on their left and repeat the process with someone else.

"How did you hear about this event?" I asked a guy named Yoshida. "I found it on the Internet. I decided to come because I don't have the chance to meet women at my workplace," said Yoshida, 34, who worked at a mobile phone-maker's call-service center in Tokyo.

"Your hobby is snowboarding," I said after reading his card. "Did you go snowboarding last winter?"

"Yes, but only a couple of times. My friends, who used to snowboard with me have married and could not go," he said.

Then that call came again: "Gentlemen, please move to the next table!"

After talking in this brief way with each member of the opposite sex, everybody was told to write down the numbers of those they wanted to date and hand their "votes" to the event staff.

While waiting for the result, I asked around and found out that most participants were in their late 20s or 30s. About half the men were wearing jackets, the rest were in an assortment of T-shirts or open-necked shirts; many of the women — in contrast — were dressed to kill in feminine skirts and pastel-colored tops.

Finally, the emcee said in cheerful voice: "I can tell you that 10 couples matched! Now I will read out the numbers of the couples."

After that romantically tinged confirmation of the law of probability, the matched pairs were to depart the party for a date.

Though I didn't match with anyone, Fumiko Nishizawa, spokesperson for Exeo Japan, had already told me that most participants don't meet their future partner at the first party they join.

"Marriage-hunting is like job-hunting," she said. "If you join the parties several times, you get used to projecting yourself, and then you will meet the right one," she added.

Exeo Japan holds about 950 parties a month across Japan, Nishizawa said, boasting that the company is the only one organizing events of this kind nationwide. I also learned that the number of Exeo party participants is rising, to some 300,000 in fiscal 2008 — a 10 percent jump from fiscal 2007. It costs from ¥500 to ¥7,500 to join a party, depending on what kind it is. Some, for example, include "only men with a high income (women without conditions)," "30s only" and "people with divorce experience and those who understand it."

Interestingly, Nishizawa said, the percentage of male and female participants had always been roughly the same until January, since when more women than men have been joining the parties. This she explained, saying: "As the economy has got worse, more women seem to be seeking economic stability by marrying" — adding that parties open only to men earning upward of ¥5 million a year are now particularly popular with women.

And — confirming that upending of sex-role stereotypes in Japan — she noted with interest that the women attending these "high-end" parties tend to have even more gorgeous makeup and clothes than those who go to the regular parties.

To hunt well, it seems, women who join coupling parties are shrugging off the shy, demure image of Japanese femininity and instead are flaunting it aggressively in pursuit of a choice member of the country's increasingly unmasculine eligible males.